Sharing Stress is Not the Answer

by Juel

I always prided myself in the “fact” that I didn’t get stressed. I knew how to cope with pressure. Nothing could really stress me out or cause me to get angry towards others.

I felt I was well versed in basic meditation and could clear my thoughts. And I also had a personal conviction that prayer and committing things to a higher power would get a trouble off my back and onto God’s shoulders instead.

Then I began working with a new co-worker who was perpetually stressed. She also had a unique way of turning her pressures into everyone else’s pressures too. So regardless of whether that particular issue involved another person or not, they would somehow feel responsible for it - and need to respond in some way.

At first I didn’t really notice this. Then, it started to bug me, but I shrugged it off as my co-worker just being quirky. Then I noticed that this mindset began to affect me as well ...

I became less and less tolerant of my co-worker. Meditation and prayer were not working any more. And I found myself feeling pressured. Not knowing how to handle it.

I knew something was terribly wrong and I needed to change whatever had altered my mindset, before I drove my family and close friends crazy with my new alternate personality.

My Stress Solution

I talked to my husband and he advised me to talk to my co-worker. I really had no desire to do this, as I felt she had already done enough damage and if I said something to her, she would turn it all over on me. I realized, though, that he spoke the truth and that was what I needed to do.

I spoke to this woman about my perception of her. The way she dealt with stress, by doling it out to everyone around her. I told her it was not just unhealthy for her personally, but for others too. And I attempted to be very open to her opinions at the same time.

To my surprise, her reaction was quite positive. She admitted that she had a problem with pressure and that it annoyed her when others were not as stressed as she was. I gave her a few tips on how I usually dealt with pressure and we decided to work on improving our mindsets together.

We are now much closer co-workers, even friends, and although things come up day to day on the work front, it is easier now to smile about it and take it in stride, knowing that it is a mindset that can be adjusted and that neither of us have to live with stress.